Students will be returning home for Christmas to see friends, family, and partners in just a few weeks. However, according to a recent poll conducted by ‘TheTab’ posing the question “Since starting university, are you and your significant other still together?” some students who came to university in a relationship will be heading back home for the holidays single. It revealed that 42% of 128 students admitted to having split up with their partner since starting university.
It’s a common misconception that going to university while in a relationship means it’s never going to last, especially if it involves going long-distance. To help prevent further break-ups and heartbreak, we asked Marjon students who are or have been in in these type’s of situations for advice on how to maintain the relationship.
Naturally, infidelity is the major concern when starting a long-distance relationship, whether it involves a partner at home or a student at university. As soon as Freshers Week and student nights out on the town come to mind, the partner at home can only speculate about the worst-case scenario. They will have to completely rely on trust because, at the end of the day, they don’t have the advantage of knowing individuals in their partner’s circle as it’ll be an entirely new friendship group. As a result, they wouldn’t have someone to reveal any cheating.
The university student, on the other hand, might be concerned about not only moving away from home to a totally new place with new people, but also not knowing whether their partner will be able to handle being apart from them for that period of time. Trust issues could play a major factor in a relationship’s collapse, even if you are perfectly innocent. If your partner has enough reason to doubt you, that could be the beginning of the end.
Abi, a student at Marjon, expressed her experience of being cheated on by her partner after just the first week of him attending university. “I think cheating is more common at university, because a lot of the time you live around four hours away from each other and it’s more difficult for the person at home to know your new friends. As well as the fact it’s easier for people to sneak around because you’re in your own dorm and it’s not like your partner would know about it because they’re not here anymore.”
In response to the question of whether she herself has ever been cheated on, Abi responded “I have, [the] first week of Freshers by my now ex-boyfriend. His Freshers and my Freshers were very different because they started a week before I did, and in just that one week, he decided to cheat with another girl. Obviously, he was away so I had no clue.”
Abi then gave this piece of advice to students who are in a long-distance relationship. “My advice would be, if you are having doubts over your relationship once you get to university, you have to be honest with your partner. It may seem easier to go behind their back rather than having the tough conversations, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Show them the respect they deserve by telling them how you’re feeling or by ending the relationship before any cheating happens and you end up hurting them. They will understandably be hurt at first, but in the long run it is what is best for them and you.”
Louie, another Marjon student who’s currently in a long-distance relationship himself, said this in response to whether he thinks entering into a long-distance relationship means cheating is bound to happen. “If you have built trust between you and your partner, then neither the distance or the shiny a new aspect of university should be an issue and if you have an element of self-control then there shouldn’t be a problem”. We then asked whether he thinks distance plays a part in those that do cheat and he replied “I think when certain groups of people go from seeing someone every day to seeing them significantly less, it’s obvious that there may be a temptation there and ‘frustrations’ could take hold but if you’re truly in love with that person then you wouldn’t even think about it but if there’s already some faults in the relationship then it’s more likely for cheating to take place.”
Louie said his advice for someone currently in a long-distance relationship would be “It’s all about communication and trying your best to stay in contact with your partner, just as you would have done in person. You can’t physically be with that person every day but we’re lucky to live in an age where we have access to texting and video calls where it makes it much easier to stay in contact. Moving away from your partner doesn’t mean your relationship is guaranteed to fail, if anything it could strengthen the relationship because if you can overcome all the obstacles a long-distance relationship brings, then your relationship can pretty much withstand anything that comes your way.”